So, as you may have already read here, Bev has several irrational fears. Some have been around for most of my life, and some are relatively new. While I don’t consider myself much of a paranoid person, I do have bona fide suspicions of one (or more) of these things happening to me. Without further ado, here’s my list of irrational fears, in order from longest-standing to most recent.
1) Ripping the tendon1 out of the bottom of my foot on a screw in the door jamb. There are a lot of other secondary fears involving the feet, but the screw rip is el presidente in this case. I legit can’t even really touch the tendon that runs through the arch of my foot. Touching the Achilles heel is OK, but only if I’ve had at least three drinks or two Ativans. And others aren’t allowed to touch my feet. Pedicures are not the relaxing thing for me that they are for most others. For me, it’s more of a white-knuckle, sweaty, anxiety-ridden helicopter crash. Until the polish part. I like that part.
2) Waking up hungover and realizing I chipped or knocked out a tooth. This is probably the most likely of this myriad of concerns listed here2 (obviously more so than #1).
3) Waking up hungover and realizing drunk me let my friends pluck out all my eyebrows. I’d like to think that I take too much pride in my brows (shoutout Renea, my browgirl- yes browgirl is a word. At least it is here) to ever let this happen, but after a dream nightmare a few weeks ago, it has been added to the list. If there had been a camera to capture me waking up from this nightmare, smacking my face, rubbing my eyebrows, and grabbing my phone to check selfie camera to make sure brows were intact, I’d post it, and we’d all be millionaires.
4) Getting slightly inebriated and opening the $50+ bottle of champagne in my fridge just because I want to keep the buzz going. In an effort to be proactive, I have been keeping my cold white wine artillery extra stocked, but the phobia is still very present. I feel like I need to hide it from myself, but I want to keep it cold, and well… if you can figure out how to hide a bottle in the clear plastic shelves of a refrigerator, please give me instructions in the comments section below.
What are your irrational fears, dear readers? (Please tell me other people have irrational fears)
-Bev
1I’ve spent my whole life thinking that this tendon was also the Achilles… like it ran from the back of the heel through the bottom of the foot. As I like to keep everything on this blog very scientific and factual (obviously), I double checked with my doctor cousin, Timmy. Apparently, this tendon is the plantar aponeurosis. And yes, I did have to copy and paste that from his iMessage into this post.
2And oh, hell, who are we kidding? #4 is most likely, not #2.
