STSS

I have to tell you guys- part of the reason I love this new weekly series is because STSS reminds me of TWSS (that’s what she said). And yes, I love a good “That’s What She Said” joke. I know.

This week doesn’t have any 2017 recaps, which means no Swale time capsules, which is disappointing, but good ol’ Chaper comes in clutch this week, guys. Wait for it…

We do have a Swale town council election to catch up on, and the race was heated, as you can imagine. “Also throwing her name in the hat was Y, a Swale native and retired nurse who has recently returned to the community. The council narrowed down their choice to X or Y, briefly debating the merits of X’s experience against Y’s fresh perspective. Following the discussion, a motion was made by council member Brian Caspian to appoint Y to the vacant seat, which was unanimously approved.” I included this blurb not only because I found it humorous that a front page article featured the town council election of a town of 165, but also because it’s the third week of STSS and we’ve been introduced to a 3rd Caspian family member. (You remember Bill and Ed) As you can tell, the Caspian family literally makes up about 75% of Swale and I just love it.

My favorite part of this week’s STS is a column that popped up for the first time, but I certainly hope not the goddamn last. “But, Bev, what column?” you may find yourself asking. THE CHAPER NOTES, that’s what column. I swear to you, I dug out the previous two issues of The Small Town Sentinel out of my recycling bin when I stumbled upon the Chaper Notes this week because I thought I’d somehow missed this gold(enstein) nugget in my previous perusals of the 6-page newspapers. Alas, I think the Chaper Notes column is one that only makes it in every few weeks… ya know, when there’s been enough going on in Chaper to make up about five or six paragraphs. And, oh, has there been enough going on to make up about five or six paragraphs!

“There has been a heck of a lot of grieving for loved ones this year. Pastor X told me he did 22 funerals in 2017.” Actual opening lines of Chaper Notes. I die. (pun intended)

“Mrs. M passed earlier this year, I’ve yet to remove her number from my phone. That makes it so final. Her house is being rented to a very nice couple. He works with the [local electric company] and the lady of the home goes to college. I have permission to interview them later. One thing for sure, she likes to decorate for Christmas. Both their front and back porch was nicely lit up for the holidays.” You guys, I just don’t even know where to start. Number one, I am waiting with bated breath for the interview(s)!!! I mean, I feel like Mama G waiting on the Dougherty pop machine heist. Coming soon, to a Small Town Sentinel near you (I hope!). Oh, and to all Goldensteins and Pages who live near Chaper- we are totally taking a family road trip to check out the holiday display for Christmas 2018! Zelda, get the Irish coffees ready! 

“There were a few other homes that were decorated, including Mr. and Mrs. F’s and Dan an Hunter B’s homes – great job.” Way to go, Chaper residents!

“This year we had a town display on Olive Avenue. A big thanks goes to Mr. DG for his help and the homemade trees M made. At first the display looked liked the Peanut Gang made it. After my brother died and I got some memorial money, improvements were made. I dedicated the display to my brother W. It helped me. I knew I was doing something he would be happy about.” Oh, man. I so badly want to giggle at this, but it also makes me really sad and I hope that her brother looked down at the Chaper town display with love. I’d also like to add here that the Chaper Notes section’s author is never named, but s/he reminds me a lot of my good friend, Alice’s great-aunt, Lois. I have torn my house apart looking for Lois’ long-lost Christmas letters that Alice used to send on to me. Who doesn’t love a Christmas letter that details your great-uncle Al’s ingrown toenail? (that really happened in Aunt Lois’ Christmas letter, and typing this is reigniting my fire to go search for the letters again. Stay tuned, readers. Alice- if you happen to have any Aunt Lois gold, send it my way!) As usual, the Chaper Notes quotes are typed exactly as printed… (these errors aren’t mine, folks)

This bittersweet note about brother Wayne was immediately followed by, “I’ve been thinking – maybe on Memorial Day we all could bring balloons and together set them off into the sky.” I have no idea if this would be in memory of Wayne, or if the author is just trying to rally the community for Memorial Day… thoughts?

The Chaper Notes column was rounded out with another sweet sentiment from its author: “Chaper is not with out a newborn. It brings a smile to my face when I say, ‘It’s the circle of life.’ Happy New Year! Keep your thoughts positive, everyone.” Will do, mysterious Chaper Notes author!! My thoughts are so stinkin’ positive, I’m not even going to point out to you that ‘without’ is one word!

The final highlight of this week’s STS is one that just might be useful to some of Bev’s faithful readers. It would have even gotten “clipped” and sent home to Mayberry, had I read it at its release date in January. I’m not going to name names, but I think you all know one person who could possibly benefit from the info from this article about senior technology courses being offered in the area… *cough* Smoke *cough* “They’re encouraging the senior community to attend a monthly technology meeting that’ll take you from a smartphone novice to a tablet wiz in no time.”

“The class can certainly cater to any beginner or intermediate tech user, as they can cover anything from deleting an application on a phone to sending your photos to the cloud.” OK, they think this is beginner level? How about teaching someone to type numbers in a text message on his “dumb phone”? Again, not naming names…

And finally- Bev readers in the Mayberry area, check this out- “Our goals are to build a support group among the senior population so that they can take what they learn back to their social groups, like coffee groups.”  If you aren’t aware, Mama G does have a coffee group. She, Aunt Sue, Nan, and many of the other ladies who read here (Aunt Zelda, Jean, Aunt Polly, Connie) meet every Wednesday morning as they are able and catch up on the latest Mayberry-Thornville happenings. My guess is that the conversation is very similar to the Chaper Notes, but I’d be willing to bet some hard-earned cash that technology “how-to” questions come up now and then. I think a lot of the coffee ladies could benefit from the senior tech classes- especially Mama G and Aunt Sue when we changed a shortcut in their phones so that every time they typed “OK,” their phone corrected to, “Giraffes are awesome,” often before the senior senders could notice their (forced by their own evil offspring) mistake. Jesus Christ it was hilarious. Remind me to tell you about it sometime.

OK, y’all, that’s all I’ve got for this week’s STSS, but I’ll be back sooner than later!

-Bev

Or should I say, “Giraffes are awesome, y’all, that’s all I’ve got for this week’s STSS, but I’ll be back sooner than later!”